The pitfalls of existential depression

I’m too lazy to check my previous posts to see if I said anything about my existential depression. I’m also too lazy to go into deep detail about it. Suffice it to say that existential depression is a bitch of a disorder arising from the realization of a few of the basic truths of reality. It is basically depression brought on by realizing certain existential truths. It happens disproportionately among “gifted” individuals and the middle-aged (the most common type of existential depression is the midlife crisis). I have suffered from it since I was 10. The real clincher is that the only surefire cure for existential depression is to drastically change the very nature of existence. And since it seems that god isn’t down with that rap, it looks like us thinky types will be cursed with this affliction until the very day we as a race either commit suicide or find a way to become gods. Interestingly enough, studies have shown that individuals suffering from existential depression are more prone to joining cults or becoming hyperinvolved in politics (most probably as a way to either find meaning in their lives or to try to change the world).

On the one hand, I am proud of my existential depression because it played a big part in the development as a person. I highly doubt that I’d be a radical anarchist/feminist/syndicalist/potential national security threat if I wasn’t so in tune with the way things work. Also it gives me a big head because it means I’m more with it than the general population and I can actually see how things work and don’t delude myself with ridiculous fairy tales about the status quo. However, I frequently envy the deluded and wish I was one of them.

Anyway, the whole reason I haven’t posted anything in a week is that I’ve been reeling with a particularly nasty bout of depression. I’ve been getting lots of texts from friends wondering why I’ve dropped off the face of the earth, so I decided to be a little more proactive today and get out of the house and do some shit. Probably spend some money since I have an extra $100 that isn’t earmarked for anything. First I’m going to watch Amazon Women on the Moon to get me in a better mood.

For those of you who want to know more about existential depression, here’s an article about existential depression in gifted youths.

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Mentally ill woman loses children

I saw a report on the news today that really pissed me off. It was about a couple that couldn’t conceive, so they went to a surrorgate. The surrogate had twins, and the adoption went forward as planned. While in court, the judge asked if the mother had ever been convicted of a crime. The woman explained that she had a severe psychotic disorder with depression and anxiety (I’m guessing either schizoaffective or bipolar), and that lead to a substance abuse problem for which she got into legal trouble. (This is very common among psychotics.) The surrogate initially said the adoptive parents were fit to take her twins.

After thinking about it for some time, however, the woman decided she didn’t want the children living with a mentally ill mother. She went to court and got the children back. She was able to do this because the state they live in doesn’t recognize surrogacy contracts (I think it was Michigan) and changed their names.

This is ridiculous! Being mentally ill isn’t grounds for losing your children. The surrogate said, “What if she stops taking her meds?” This woman has been med compliant for NINE YEARS. She’s not going to just randomly decide that she doesn’t need them any more. If someone’s been med compliant for that long and is showing no symptoms, a relapse is highly uncommon. Besides, her husband had no mental illness (at least none that they reported), so in the event that the woman did have a relapse he could care for the children while she was getting well agin. The adoptive parents have no legal rights in this case, by the way. It’s done.

I can’t believe this! As someone with a mental illness, it infuriates me. I am outraged. This is just an example of the stigma we face, despite the massive amounts of information available for people to peruse. This is discrimination plain and simple. It is just plain wrong.